Monthly Archives: June 2008

A friend brought my attention to something which in my views is a kind of disorder which has become a kind of way of living for certain men. A Misogynist, a women hater, carries a lot of weight on their own life in one way or the other. If you ask me I believe that they live with a constant fear since this condition is born in the very beginning stages of their younger days. In other words they are “groomed” to be women haters..

How to raise a woman hater?

A lot of different pshychologists have a certain few cases they relate to when talking about how a person becomes a woman hater. I read a few case studies and most prominently the reasons most of them were pointing to were the years the boy spent in his house being “protected” by a father who is either very strong in character or very abusive. When I say strong in character I am in no way promoting that being abusive is having a strong character actually its what makes them “weak” in my view. A person that hits a woman is first of all someone that deserves a few slaps himself.

If we go back in time, a woman hater’s childhood has been abnormal, and if we are to go deeper in that whole scenario we will see that a woman hater isn’t born that way obviously. A kid who is brought into this beautiful world to be experiencing their mother being beaten up by a father who can’t take no for an answer or hasn’t gotten the right qualities in him that make him get along with the mother.

A father in that kind of a household usually has a background where they themselves have been treated “bad”. When I mean bad, I mean they might have had a father who beat them up on every occasion possible, and also used to probably say things like “I am the father in the house and I am the one who decides what happens here” these kind of things make the kid think and make him start believing what will later on make his own relationship suffer.

A guy from such household in reality is fearful or scared from the woman he is with. The thought of him being close to them is ok but the thought that if he gives in to the woman she will have the power to hurt him makes him totally turn the table around and show the side of him that he has “learnt” since childhood. And that is the feeling of being powerful, being strong, being what he feels the woman can’t do. And of course we know that women can do anything guys can do and in most occasions even better than men.

Growing up with the kind of relation he might have seen between his father and mother, he started believing that it’s the guy who runs the house, and the whole world around the people attached to him is HIS. The emotions and attachment won’t mean a thing in front of the buzz he would get from being the breadwinner and at the same point that will make him “believe” that he can do anything he wants to the woman he is with.

Women haters are emotionally very strong but sadly that’s their biggest weakness since they don’t use that emotion at all. They might have grown up feeling sorry for their mother but when they are at a stage they can do what their dad didn’t by being nice and so on, they continue the cycle and keep it going until his own son grabs that “habit” of hating girls or women.

In the beginning it could start off like, “women can’t drive” or “women can’t do what men can” or the classic “You are a woman you don’t have a say”

The family of a woman hater

Can you imagine that the family of a woman hater would be a heaven for the woman? Absolutely not. It’s first of all a sad thing that people like that don’t get counseling but then again who would bring them there because that too is to them a sign of weakness.

The family of a woman hater goes through hell every single day, hearing remarks that the woman isn’t good enough despite her being very talented in things that the guy can’t even dream about. The biggest sign you will see in a woman hater is that they will not appreciate or say “oh you are so good” when others might go nuts over the woman’s skills and talent.

Another thing one can see in woman hater’s is that they might have involvement with lots of women and might come across as very intelligent and friendly with the female crowd but that is not something they do with their charm, it’s something that makes them feel “special” and since it could be easy for them to hear a few laughs when they are making fun of their female colleagues amongst their male friends. A women hater despite all the attention they get deep inside lives with the fear of yet again losing the closeness they share with the person they share their life with.

Why do they do that? Well there is something deep inside them, the need to be with their partner but the “ego” and the way they have been programmed kicks in anytime they feel they are going “weak”

I sense a very high number of males these days without knowing are becoming women haters. What is causing all this as some of them have had an amazing childhood. So do some guys you think believe it’s cool to hate women? Or do they feel they can be life of the party when they joke about some lady doing this or that.

I was brought up the first 10 years by my mum alone and my grandma, dad was in Norway. So If i go by the “rules” I can safely say that the respect I have for my mother or anyone for that matter is very high because the kind of thoughts and values that I have been brought up with were exactly those. To respect others, no matter what race, religion or gender.

And since I respect and cherish the way my mother has been in my younger years I think it built my whole perception around women. The strength she showed in all situations most guys would totally breakdown going through, made me truly realize the truth around the misconception that some guys have that “Women are weak”

To the women haters

Well so this one goes out to those guys who are living in a dream world.. next time you say anything bad about a woman, sit down for one single minute, count to ten and then ask yourself.

“What am I doing? Where am I headed? Am i saying this to make others laugh? Does this kind of attitude towards women make me sound very cool? Am I not destroying the very personality of my children by being this way?”

And last but not least to those guys who say women are weak and base their fights and baseless accusations around that.. my friend tell me if you can carry a baby for even 1 month let alone give birth to one..

I was wondering how much for granted we take so many things in our lives. Sometimes we don’t realize the value of our eyes and when they are hurt in one way or the other we feel as if the whole world has fallen apart. But what I am going to talk about is something that has changed my entire life and made me so calm that nothing ever can happen in my life ever again that can even come close to that experience.

Few of my close friends know what I am talking about. A dear friend who means the world to me happened to be the unlucky one to be in an accident that led them onto a roller coaster ride of memory losses. This friend in the first few months after the accident got a wrong diagnosis and never knew that that one head collision would make her life turn upside down.

Sadly the doctors here in Norway operated on her and didn’t manage to do a good job at all. They kept on operating on her again and again and sadly each surgery led to the memory being wiped away again and again. How did that affect the people around her, just imagine. The family the friends going through hell after hell seeing the lovely person go through something just because the doctors right after the accident failed to do a CT scan.

Sometimes the memory loss went back 4 years, sometimes 6 years and sometimes 8. All friends all thoughts all things learnt all gone from the mind, the way she learnt to live to handle things in life, the skills to go through phases of life in her own way all gone each time a surgery was conducted. Who is to blame? Or is this how God has planned everything?

At the time of writing this the dear friend has gone through 18 memory losses, two major operations, was pronounced dead three times, lost her voice 6 times completely, lost feelings in her legs and was unabel to walk for months, had seen the light in her deepest of the deepest comas and returned back to her loved ones again and again, had knowledge of a injection that took her memory away from her each time she was injected and wow what courage, has amazed the doctors who claim she shouldn’t even be alive as nothing shows up correct on her reports since years now.. but just like we can’t see God but know he is there.. the phenomenon that she is amongst us is nothing short of a miracle.

How many of the people I know are going through petty little things that cry on each occasion they get. “Oh my boss did this and I am going to do this to him” or “My brother did this and I am gonna make him pay”

There is another friend who has lost her memory and gone back in time, not one not two but 24 YEARS!! Can you imagine the feelings, the relations, the new family members, the ones they have lost the new friends who were the world to them… just imagine how painful it might have been and how painful it is to not know who is who, and just go by the book you have written few days before your surgery hmm. You want to imagine that and compare it to things that you currently make a fuss about? hmm

Those lovely people I am talking about are the victims of what most would call Injustice by God. But never in the entire few years of knowing those two people I have heard them complain, not even once. The first friend who is still on the verge of going through a memory loss and being treated for very serious condition is still hopeful and yes she should be as well, because no hope = no life. And the best thing I heard from her was “Wakas why would I complain to God, he chose me and he knows I can do it so I will and since you in my life I can go through this again and again knowing you there” hmm those few words are enough for anyone to keep holding on .. wouldn’t you?

Memory for some of us is the most valuable possession. Actually if you think deeply about it, it IS us. right? I mean we are what we do, and what we do is what our mind remembers from past experiences, our wins oru losses, what happened when we did this or that. And looking at the conditions the above friends are going through. Have you ever in the slightest of moments thought about each and every lovely moment you have spent with your friends, with family and your loved ones. The memories you cherish the skills you posses the education you spent years getting, the degree you spent so much money earning.. Imagine for a single moment, that you wake up and its all gone……………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

What would you do? Who would you complain to? Or let me rephrase my friend… What CAN you do?

Anything you have in your control that can bring the memory back before it’s supposed to, naturally? Hmm my friend.. what you lose is not just your memory, you lose yourself. You lose what you are what you had become.

I have learnt that people who go through something as tough as a memory loss tend to either lose it or stay strong and firm. But in order to do so they have to have faith in something they believe in or have friends that really truly care for them. I have seen people misguide those friends in various ways for their own benefit, I have seen things in the past few years of my life that no one has even imagined to even make movies out of. What is it that becomes of a person who sees another person with a memoryloss.. Is it the fact that they don’t remember anything that makes someone into an animal with no feelings at all? Or is it the helplessness that becomes like a fetish to them that they keep on feeding their appetite and not care about the one suffering. I have seen people almost trick those friends into thinking they are not who they are and being misguided. I thank God each and every single moment of my life that I was there to not let them be misguided. I just wish I could do more.. but since my belief in that everything happens for a reason is so strong now, I couldn’t have NOT been there that was and that is my destiny.

Looking back I have learnt one thing. Life is for living, even when some might want to end it because of so much they have to go through. It is still something which we have to live through. Most of the times not just for ourselves but to give others the hope that “there is hope no matter what” and I believe there is hope when there is no hope at all :)

Memory hmm it’s just a word for some, but I have seen my whole world turn upside down in minutes. Literally getting a lovely message from the friend to getting a “Who is this?” message after they wake up from surgery taught me one thing. And it is that we are just pawns and the one who is controlling us and moving us around is the creator who created the chessboard, the world, and the universe.

I feel so helpless seeing those friends go through this, and all who are reading who might have gone through something as tough as a memoryloss. I feel sorry for those that don’t believe in this that people can get memoryloss. I have heard some people even close to few people I know saying “Come on there is no such thing as memoryloss” I have heard people close to that friend’s family who right on that friend’s face say “Oh are you joking or are you really suffering from memory loss”

Joking??? Who would want to be living in a state of fear each second of their life. Imagine again, but then again my friend don’t imagine.. I know how it feels when your loved ones moments after waking up from coma tell you that they don’t know you and you work on the friendship again. And few weeks later they lose their memory again and you do it again, and again and again.

But you know what. I feel so lucky to be a part of something so amazing. I feel that God has chosen me as if he is saying “I know that your friend is going through this again and again, BUT since I see that you can handle it and help them.. I am giving you this task”

I don’t complain because some people are worth holding on to. Not to be feeling sorry for them but to be proud of knowing those individuals for being a part of my life. I observe and learn as to how they live their life. What some would go through and end their life, is making those two friends I know and respect dearly want to live their life. Isn’t that amazing?

So my friend.. how valuable is your memory for you? Let me tell you … you can’t put a value on those breaths you are taking.. and you won’t be able to put a price on your memory :) You are your memories, and you are priceless. Cherish them, and cherish the people who are in them. Call them up, tell them you care for them, say sorry to those that you have hurt, say it’s ok to those that hurt you. Let go of bad feelings, bad thoughts because you know why? Because you don’t know what tomorrow will bring with it.

I wish and pray to God that no one ever has to go through what those friends are going through. Life sometimes is tough, but it’s not tougher than what God has already created my friend… YOU!

I came across a few videos on youtube about plastic surgery and how people want to look better than how God made them. Yes there might be various reasons why someone would want plastic surgery, right now I am not talking about medical conditions that make one go under the knife, I am talking about those who feel their nose is too big, their jawline is too wide, their ears are too large, their eyes are too tiny.

I am in no position to judge anyone at all, but let’s think about this for a bit. Isn’t it actually too much of a serious thing for a few people who want to go under the knife because someone might have said “Hey you got a huge nose” or probably they might have been been given funny looks at school because the way their lips are or anything similar.

What makes us go to the level of wanting to change our appearance to be someone who we are not? Is it the lack of self confidence or should we blame the media? If we blame the media do you think they would respond back by saying “yes its our fault” Naa don’t think so. I believe that the moment you get into that one thought about that one part of your body being too big or too small, you enter the phase of being “unthankful” to God for what he has given you.

Why would I use that word “unthankful”? Well reason is quite simple. When we look at one thing we miss out on millions of other things God has blessed us with. I have seen numerous people go under the knife because of the way people called them names, and are still not happy with themselves. So isn’t it time that they get their mindset under the “knife” rather than their body or face? I mean it’s ok if one does it to get rid of all the rudeness they have to go through from their colleagues or “friends”.

The world is become more and more superficial and it’s no one else to blame but us. We want everything to be perfect, we want our eyes to be 20/20 vision, our ears to not stick out, our nose to be perfect proportion, a six pack or a lean stomach, weight to be less so people see us as “normal” .. but isn’t it time we start developing ourselves as human beings with a nature to love one another for who they are rather than worrying about why the guy sitting next to you has a huge nose? And if we do think he does, is it going to be such a great deed by saying it to him in a way that totally demolishes his self confidence? He won’t be able to change his appearance (unless he has money) but you as the police of this world who goes around telling people how they look can definitly change your attitude that might not only hurt someone badly deep down to the core of their soul but also manage to put them onto the path of destructive thinking.

Yes some people don’t care about what people think about them, but we don’t have to actually keep on testing them and trying our rude comments to see which one hurts them and which one doesn’t. I would kindly like to request those that are victims of these type of comments to focus on what they have rather than what they don’t because when we focus too much on something that “others want in us” we forget what made us “special” in the first place.

Someone says something to you about the way you look well just ignore them, it will kick their own “confidence” ten folds and make you feel on top of the world. And no I don’t mean that you are to get into the chain of making them feel bad about the way they talking to you. Just be yourself, and be proud of who you are. I know it’s tough, I know people who have gone under the knife and had their nose surgically minimized, but they are still the same inside.

It truly doesn’t matter how beautiful you are from outside because at the end of the day it surely is what’s inside that counts. The exterior will fade away my friend, but the interior .. oh yes you are the one who decides how that is, if your mind and heart are at the right place and you are positive enough about who you are and are surrounded by positive people. There is not a single teeny weeny chance someone can mess you up because of the way you are.

You are you because of your personality, your views, your thoughts. And if it makes you feel better.. say this to yourself “There is no one else in this world who is like me” and to tell you a tiny secret that you might have known before.. “There is absolutely NO ONE like you” you knew that ae :)